In the End
by A maze thing
Summary: I’m Sam, Samuel Winchester and I will stop myself if I have to. Tag to episode 4.3 In the Beginning


**In the End**

_A/N: I wrote this right after the episode aired, but I never thought it was that great. Just recently my friend compelled me to put it up, so her wish is now granted. I hope you like it! Also, this story is written in Sam's POV._

* * *

"Sam," he paused and took a deep breath. "He…I…" he let out a sigh. "How can I tell him?"

"You still don't get it, do you?"

"Obviously not. Please enlighten me with your knowledge, oh wise one."

"There aren't any secrets between you two, and that's how it should stay." Oh, Bobby if only you knew how wrong you were.

"Bobby, how?"

"How what?"

"How do I tell him?"

"You use your God given mouth and tell him everything!"

"Easy for you to say."

"No one said that the truth didn't hurt."

* * *

I sat across from Dean, aware of his anxiousness. He fidgeted uncontrollably, like he was being forced into telling me something, as if he were a frightened witness. I waited patiently for him to begin, having already heard his conversation with Bobby. It's amazing what you hear when people think you are asleep.

Our eyes met briefly before Dean looked back at his hands, which were rubbing against each other. His legs seemed to tap to an unheard rhythm that I so desperately wanted to hear. I could tell that he hadn't really gotten any sleep the night before from the dark rings under his eyes. Although he wasn't outright tired, there were those subtle hints that only Bobby or I could pick out. Even after going to…, well Dean was still the same no matter what happened. I still haven't decided if that's a curse or a blessing.

"Sam…" his voice drifted. Why was it always so hard for us to communicate? Why couldn't we just tell each other the truth? Did we both really fear what the other person would think? Does Dean share the fear of disappointment and desertion? After all these years together, we still can't trust that we would always love each other. Why are we so afraid of each other?

"Dean…" a smile crept across my face, trying to lighten the mood. Barely. Dean's eyes were still on his hands, which clapped together. He stood up and started to pace the room. This was going to be a long night.

"Dean, just spit it out." A shiver of worry ran down my spine and out to my limps. A stingy pain in my stomach alerted me to the nervousness I felt. Dean was seriously torn. I've been so happy that he's back, almost hugging him every time I wake up in the morning, ecstatic that it wasn't all just a dream. But then I remember; what my life has turned in. What happened after Dean left.

I can still remember Ruby's words stinging in my ear. _If you had just listened to me before, maybe you wouldn't be alone._ But I was listening to her now, and with my ability to send those sonuvabitches back to Hell, I can take down Lilith.

I gritted my teeth at the thought. She is the reason I feel the need to see sneak around, hide the truth from Dean. She's the reason I'm colder, I can feel it; I can see the look on Bobby's face. He knows it too. I've changed.

"Sammy, I don't know how to say it."

"Say what?" I snapped, the anger I felt towards Lilith was released at Dean. I immediately apologized and continued to watch Dean pace, waiting for him to slow.

"Do you think that Dad knew everything about Mom?" Damnit. What was that supposed to mean? Of course Dad didn't know everything about Mom. She knew the Yellow Eyed Demon. I doubt Dad would fail to mention that little snippet to us.

"Yeah." I paused, chewing over my lie thoughtfully. It felt wrong, sending a tingling feeling through my tongue and down my throat. "Why?" I cocked an eyebrow and tilted my head, trying my best to not look uncomfortable. Or guilty. Definitely avoiding looking guilty.

"Well, okay, you're probably gonna think I'm crazy." He paused and I tried to arch my left eyebrow even higher as I pretended to look through the invisible glasses that rest on my nose. Crazy? Dean? Never.

"In this line of work Dean?"

"Right," he nodded as he continued to pace. "Well this morning," he glanced at the clock and noticed it was 7:54. "Yesterday morning. Whatever." He shook his head.

"Just tell me!" I am extremely impatient now.

"Sorry," he let out an exasperated gasp, "but yesterday morning I woke up and my little stalker—" he was cut off by my questioning stare. His little stalker? What the hell?! "Castiel."

"Oh," I whispered softly. I nodded my head to continue as I try to wrap my head around this Castiel. Every time I'm not around—most of the time I'm with Ruby—he's always there. It's not that I'm mad that an angel is helping Dean out or anything, but why was he so damn mysterious? Only Dean and Bobby have seen him, and Bobby was out of it after a few minutes. But I guess being saved by an angel was better than being marked by a freakin' demon.

"Anyway, Castiel's telling me I have to stop _it_. What it is? I have no idea. But the next thing I know, I'm being woken up by a police officer." What?! I know I went out with Ruby to…take care of some business, but how could an officer get into the room? And what did Dean do to make him leave?

I felt the urge to get up and start packing, knowing that somehow, someway we had to go on the run again. "Don't look so worried Sammy, I was sleeping on a bench. I guess I had it coming."

"What?" Okay, back up. Where were we? Sleeping on a bench? I think I would have noticed if Dean had relocated in the middle of the night to a bench.

"Exactly the same reaction I had. Turns out I was thrown back to 1973. Fun, right?"

* * *

What do you say to that? What could I possible say? _"Mom made a deal with the yellow-eyed sonuvabitch for Dad's life."_

"_What did the demon want?"_

"_You."_

Just the news I needed. I've already had to deal with the idea that I could be evil. Then I had to deal with Dean's deal. And now, I _know_ I'm destined to be evil. Why is my life so screwed up?

"Sammy?"

"Yeah?" I looked up dazed, still processing everything. I had already known that Mom knew the yellow-eyed demon somehow and that I had demon's blood, but this was just too much. What is with our family and making deals with demons?

"Are you okay? You don't look too…well normal, for lack of a better word." Dean's eyebrows furrowed in concern. He moved towards me, sitting next to me on the bed. I can't deal with this right now. Standing up, my actions conveyed my thoughts.

I moved towards the door and grabbed the door knob. "Dean…"

"Sammy?"

"Do you think that my destiny—"

"Sam, there is no such thing as destiny." Although I doubt that Dean's telling the truth. Destiny was something that intertwined with ours lives. It just seemed like we never got to decide what happened.

I could feel the cold hit me when I thought of what everything meant. Mom died because of me, everything that's happened in our life is because of me. I'm destined to be evil, to become the very thing I've been taught to hate. I can feel the bile bite at the back of my throat as I think of the idea. No, I refuse. I will _not_ be a demon.

I'm Sam, Samuel Winchester and I will stop myself if I have to.

_

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A/N: I hope you enjoyed reading this! Let me know what you think.


End file.
